


Like a Clockwork

by StartledStarfish



Category: Free!
Genre: 50 Percent Off Verse, Alternate Universe, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dirty Talk, Humor, M/M, Prison, Thugisa, but it's all just talk, but it's also dark, man it's filthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 17:44:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15712005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StartledStarfish/pseuds/StartledStarfish
Summary: Nagisa is in prison. Again. But Rei isn't worried.It’s like a clockwork, really. Rei Ryuugazaki never failed.(set in the 50% off universe)





	Like a Clockwork

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place in the 50% off universe. If you haven't seen the parody by Octopimp, this AU might not make much sense. Seriously though, if you haven't seen it, look it up. Anyway, enjoy!

“What’s up, Sweet Cheeks?”

Rei sighed. Taking a seat, he wondered once again why he put up with this insufferable man. Nagisa only beamed at him, looking like an innocent schoolboy.

If not for the large, standard issue, orange jumpsuit, he could have fooled anybody into thinking he was just that. Innocent.

Rei was no fool, and yet, he had to fight the urge to smile back. Nagisa was… captivating like that. As disgusting, immature, and downright perverted as he was, Rei couldn’t make himself walk away.

“Aw, Baby, don’t be like that,” Nagisa pouted when Rei didn’t acknowledge his (frankly, pathetic) attempts at flirting. 

“You are a lucky man, Nagisa,” Rei muttered darkly.

“Why? ‘cause I’m drop dead gorgeous?” Nagisa smirked confidently at him, leaning back in his chair. “Trust me, Baby, I know that already—”

“You’re lucky that this glass is separating us, because, if it was not, I would have strangled you to the ground with my own bare hands.”

The smug grin slipped from Nagisa’s face faster than a bullet released from the chamber of a gun. Good. 

“I’m sorry,” said Nagisa, sobering up a bit. “You know I love you, Darlin’. I’ll be out of here and back to you in no time at all.”

Rei narrowed his eyes. “I think not.”

“Excuse me?”

“I would hardly consider a ‘minimum sentence of 65 years’ to be something over in ‘no time at all’,” Rei replied with a fair amount of hostility creeping into his voice.

To his surprise, Nagisa hung his head in what could only be shame. “Look, I know it seems bad, but Easter Dave is gonna help me out. I was wrongly convicted! I didn’t do it!”

“Are you honestly going to sit there and tell me you aren’t guilty?”

“Yes!”

“Nagisa, I saw the cocaine!” Rei snapped. “You were storing it in my own GODDAMN BASEMENT WITHOUT TELLING ME!”

Nagisa flinched. “Yeah, well… about that…”

“I told you. I specifically told you. I said, and I quote: ‘Nagisa, if you go out with Easter Dave tonight, you are going to get caught, killed, or worse’. That is what I said. Those. Exact. Words. Do you remember?”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember.”

Rei’s eyes shone dangerously in the poor, florescent lighting of the prison visiting room. If one didn’t know better, they might have guessed Rei was the criminal with the look of murder burning in his gaze.

(They might not be wrong.)

“Then why,” he hissed, “did you go out?”

“It was the opportunity of a lifetime, Baby. I couldn’t just pass something like that up!” Nagisa protested. “That rival cartel was getting up on us, it was the perfect moment to bring them down once and for all!”

“It was a trap,” replied Rei pointedly.

“Yeah, well, how were we supposed to know that?”

Rei pinched the bridge of his nose. “Because I told you, you buffoon!” 

Nagisa threw his cuffed hands up in the air, nearly sending the phone they were communicating through flying out of his hands. “Okay. FINE! You win. You were right. I’m sorry I didn’t listen. It was my fault. I’m an idiot. WHATEVER. OKAY? Happy now, Princess?” He drawled angrily.

Rei couldn’t help smirking just a little. “although, I strongly doubt your sincerity,” he noted. “I did find your confession to be…” he licked his lips, “pleasing.”

Nagisa blinked. “Uhh, pardon?”

“Say it again,” Rei commanded, leaning forward on the small ledge slowly, so that his face was only inches from the glass. 

“What was that now?” questioned Nagisa, taken aback by the sudden change in attitude.

“Tell me I’m right, that I’m always right,” he murmured breathlessly. “Daddy.”

Nagisa choked. “W-what the—" his eyes danced around as if looking for hidden cameras. “Is this some kinda joke? Or—or somethin’ like that?”

“When have I ever tried to be funny about this, Daddy?”

“Jeezus, Rei!” Nagisa hissed, starting to blush. “You know there’s, like, people listening to this line, right?”

“I don’t care.” Rei crooned, “like I said, if this wasn’t between us…” he was leaning so close now that the surface of the glass began to fog up. He licked his finger slowly before using it to wipe the condensation off the glass to reveal Nagisa’s dumbfound face staring back. “I’d strangle you with my own two hands, you sexy, sexy beast.”

Nagisa let out a low whistle, “Holy *squawk*, man!” he shook his head, coving his mouth to hide a smile. But he was grinning and blushing too hard to conceal it. “since when did you get into this kinky *squawk*, Rei?” 

“What?” Rei asked with false innocence, he shifted provocatively. “Have I embarrassed you? Are you ashamed of me?” He toyed with his own lip between his teeth, letting out a sharp whimper.

“Oh my god,” Nagisa looked both delighted and horrified. “What are you doing?”

Rei let out a strangled moan, “You’ve left me all alone! You can’t imagine what it’s like for me! What it’s like to see you like this!

“I know you’ve been a bad boy, and that you deserve this! but I just can’t stand the thought of anybody but me punishing you!”

Nagisa choked for real, looking dazed, and even maybe a little aroused. “Is this even real right now?” he asked weakly.

“This is all I have now,” Rei continued whimpering again. “Sixty-five years before I can’t touch you again, or feel your weight on top of me, inside me,” he emphasized. “All because you’ve been bad. So bad that they had to lock you up, and take you away from me. You’ve left me alone to suffer,” he moaned. “My body aches for you, it’s-it’s almost unbearable!” he gasped.

Rei shot a quick glance at the single guard in the room. He was looking away. Uncomfortable.

Perfect.

In a single swift motion, he brought his palm up to touch the glass to display its contents to the prisoner on the other side. Understanding dawned instantly on Nagisa’s face. Rei smirked. 

“I need you,” he purred again. Although he was certain by now that who ever was listening in had stopped doing so a while ago. People don’t like to be privy to private and (thoroughly) intimate conversations. The instinct is to look away. Natural, primal. Humanity was like a clockwork, once you understood the me mechanism, you could accomplish anything.

Fascinating.

“I love you,” whispered Nagisa, awestruck. He brought his hand up to meet Rei’s hand with the scribbled instructions for the escape plan on the other side of the glass. It almost looked like their palms were touching. “I love you, you beautiful, incredible, amazing, brilliant man.”

Rei held up a finger to his lips. “Don’t be late,” he warned. 

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Baby!” 

Rei quirked an eyebrow, removing his hand from the glass. He was counting on Nagisa running at least 5 minutes late, but the plan accounted for that anyway. He knew he wouldn’t fail.

Rei Ryuugazaki never failed.

As if flipping a switch, he stood abruptly and turned to leave. He didn’t look back as he walked out of the prison and down the street into the night. He allowed himself a moment to gaze into the sunset, before continuing on his way. He still had a lot to do tonight, and he knew he’d need as much time as he could get. 

Under normal circumstances, he would simply bury it in his back yard, but the ground would be too frozen. This time, he would need to use… alternative methods. It would be bothersome, but it was a task that needed to be done. Nagisa was an idiot, but not everything was always his fault. No. Sometimes, someone else was to blame. 

Sometimes, someone wasn’t as lucky as Nagisa to be locked up safe and sound behind bars.

Hauling a body as heavy as Easter Dave’s into the river would take a while. But Rei wasn’t worried. 

Rei Ryuugazaki never failed.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I recently re-watched 50% Off with my sister and was inspired to write this. I wanted to write something fun as I have been doing a lot of darker more serious stuff. I have seen Free! the original, but I find 50% Off to be far more entertaining! I hope you enjoyed this strange little journey. Comments and Kudos appreciated!


End file.
